Your inner child still needs to be loved in order to heal the complete self.. Karen A. Baquiran
So many of our deepest hurts, fears, and traumas can be traced back to our inner child. When we are young, difficult situations like the sudden loss of a loved one or suffering abuse and neglect can affect how we show up in the world as adults.
On Positive Recovery MD, Dr. Powers and Julie DeNofa spoke with Heather Ogburn Stokes, Founder and CEO of Serenity Light Recovery, LLC. Heather, Dr. Powers, and Julie discussed overcoming a victim mindset, accepting the past to grow, and how sobriety lets us live life to the fullest. They also talked about how extending kindness can positively impact the people around us.
Kindness as a natural part of recovery
As Heather shared her recovery journey and how she found freedom in sobriety, she shared that extending kindness is a natural part of her now. She admitted she was afraid of getting hurt initially, but recognized the gift of giving and receiving love. When we extend acts of kindness to loved ones or even strangers, love strengthens as it radiates through us all.
Extending kindness helps us feel good in the moment and helps others feel seen, heard, and accepted. Spreading love and kindness to those who need it most can be the thing that changes a day. Sometimes, though, the person who needs love the most is ourselves.
Creating space for our inner child to grieve
On the journey of healing your inner child, you may face old pain, hurt, and difficult emotion. Although re-living past abuse or neglect can be challenging, it is essential to acknowledge and accept what our inner child felt. As children, we often feel guilt or shame because we believe it was our fault. We thought that because we did something bad, we did not deserve the love we so desperately needed from our caregivers. When it came to abuse or neglect, we often did not have a safe place to grieve.
We may not have had a safe person to run to. We may not have had a safe place to unpack the hurt. As we grew older, we suppressed those thoughts and feelings. We buried the pain to forget how we felt. No matter how deeply suppressed, those feelings never truly went away.
There is hope. When we create space for our inner child to grieve without judgment, we loosen trauma's grip on our lives. Acknowledging the depths of our pain creates space for healing. Accepting our inner child's thoughts and feelings through an objective lens validates the rawest emotions. Creating that space looks like letting go of guilt, shame, and self-hatred, and making room for warmth, love, and kindness.
Knowing what we know now, we can return to our inner child and be the safe person they needed. By creating a safe place, we show our inner child that even painful experiences do not have to be the whole story. We can stand taller and show up bigger when we accept the past and extend kindness to ourselves.
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An invitation to become childlike again
Affirming our past hurts and releasing guilt and shame is only half the battle in healing the inner child. Once we have created space to grieve, there is more room for joy, curiosity, and play. As children, we thrived on trying new things, asking deeper questions, and finding joy in the simplest pleasures. When we are in a healthy space as adults, there is an invitation to become childlike again.
There is a sense of awe and wonder. Suppressing emotion from past events often suppresses the good along with it. We may have momentarily forgotten our troubles, but we probably forgot our joys too. Not having a safe place to run to when we felt hurt also meant we probably did not have a safe place for healing.
Inviting ourselves to become childlike again brings back what it feels like to be full of joy. As we unpack childhood trauma, we also unlock hope, excitement, and enjoyment that were never gone, just buried. The beautiful thing about healing your inner child is that we remember how to laugh and have fun again. Our healing also teaches us how to extend kindness and love to ourselves for the first time.
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